I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
