guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
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