I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
