Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
