Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
