So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
