i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
