True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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