There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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