My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
jump out the window naked night went bad
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
