I am midnight drunk by noon
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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