i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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