I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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