i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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