dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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