Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
