I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
