You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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