Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
