you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
