id be glad to
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
