I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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