I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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