Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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