If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
