dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I feel like a drive thru vagina
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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