maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
