GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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