if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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