My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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