No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
