I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
