Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
