were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Randomize
