I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
