She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
i drank out of a bidet.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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