i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
