She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
