Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
