I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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