toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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