i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
