Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
