Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize