She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
