I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
