Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
