There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
