I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
We have so much sex to catch up on
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
