I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize