i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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