So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
