I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
