i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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