Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
