I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
