I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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