i just wanna soil my oats bro
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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