There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I think I am morally bankrupt
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Randomize
