He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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