i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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