eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
