her vagine was all disorganized.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
