I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
