I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
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