I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
