So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Mom said you looked used
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
