Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
