my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
