Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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