Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
