How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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