I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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