The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
