Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
