When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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