would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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