Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
