i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Acid is not a monday night drug
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
